Have you ever had a lack of confidence in your art? I'm a dancer and have been training for a few years now and I still have frequent moments of horrible self-doubt and lackluster of confidence... and I was just wondering if it's something that, as an artist, you ever really get 'over'? And if you've experienced what I'm talking about before, how do you deal with it? PS- You are an amazing inspiration. Please continue doing what you're doing.
This is probably one of the more profound and very much relatable questions I’ve gotten…
Have you ever had a lack of confidence in your art? Short answer is: YES. YES. and…YES.
Some may think it is crazy to be insecure with my art or with what I do considering the notoriety/recognition/compliments I’ve received lately. But the reality of it all is that I realized that it is not recognition that will fill the gaps of my insecurities.
I don’t know if one really gets over it. The hope is that I do. I strive to “get over it” everyday.
I think I’ve gotten myself “trained” to think that even if in moments I would tell myself “I’m not good enough” or “I could be better” or any kind of negative voices in my head…I then fight/counteract and tell myself to suck it up and just do it.
There’s this song I wrote called “Giving It All Away” (this song is going to be on the upcoming EP, by the way. exciting!) and it deals with this issue for me personally. The song basically says to “give it all away” even if one might think my music sucks, not their thing, or any kind of reason for them to not like me as an artist/person. I found that this mindset freed me from expectations, boxed definitions, and negative comments. Once that is accomplished, all you have to deal with is your own self - your expectations on yourself.
You’re your own worst critic - according to that cliche. So for the most part, the battles are inside you.
In my experience, I’ve won some battles in my mind because I hold on to the belief/claim that I’m given this gift (music) and I have to use it. It is my responsibility (weird way of looking at it but it’s true) to keep using it/them. Isn’t it logical to think that the best way to serve the world around you is what you’re most capable of doing? Where you’re most gifted at is how you share your utmost love to the world around you.
Sure, being a musician (or dancer, in your case) won’t cure cancer or doesn’t necessarily take huge leap towards world peace. But I assure you, if you do what you’re passionate about, touching one person is enough. There’s really nothing to prove.
We all have different roles and purpose to serve.
I’m Filipino and in my case I always say, “I’m just not the nurse type.” Haha! :)
Hope this helps…
P.S. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing if you will. :)
One last quote…
"If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint,” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” — Vincent van Gogh
My heart, mind, and soul have been pretty restless past few nights. It’s not fun.
And no, it’s not trivial “boy drama” nor petty quarrels that one may encounter from day to day. At this point, I wish it was.
The timing of it all sucks. I’m about to travel and do more shows/etc. and I pray that I enough strength mentally and emotionally to keep up. I promise to everyone that I’ll do my very best in every performance, etc.. when y’all see me in person. I NEVER do things half-heartedly.
Sleeping have come extra tough lately. I just took a sleep aid tonight which I almost never do.
This is one of those nights when I feel like - I don’t want to feel anything.
But of course, that’s a non-negotiable.
I don’t know why I’m posting this…
Wish me luck…
I’ll embrace hope…
See of some of y’all soon…and when you do see me, feel free to say hi - hugs optional. :)